andon its tradition bound and stereotyped roles for men and women. I am quite comfortable with the more flexible role definitions; I enjoy cooking, reading, and the arts, and share with my wife the responsibilit ies for grocery shopping, and doing the laundry. But I do not have to be wearing a dress to do these things, for they are simply tasks to be done, not "women's work." This is one area which has proved quite a puzzlement to me; it appears that in all that I have read the "traditional" transvestite view of women is quite stilted. This has let to much criticism of TV groups in the professional liter-

ature.

Deborah Heller Feinbloom, in her book "Transvestites and Transsexuals, Mixed Views", was far more sympathetic towards

transsexuals than transvestites becouse the TV group she work- ed with in her research exhib-

ited an overwhelmingly “un-

liberated" caricature like view of what it meant to be a woman. My wife has seconded this opin- ion, asking why so many of the published TV stories and articles concentrate on the affectations rather than the essence of being feminine. Although I too feel the thrill at successfully doing some- thing as a female in public, and enjoy vicariously others' sense of triumph in their stories, I find the overemphasis and glorificat- ion of imitation housewifery a detraction from the real search for personal expression.

I certainly enjoy the trans- formation which gives my femin- ine inner being visual and physic- al affirmation. It will always be a joy to don soft, lovely, glam- orous clothes, and to complete my makeup to project outwardly the glow of femininity I feel in- side. But I find it trivial to dwell on how I did my nails and hair or what accessories I chose; I do

not

feel that such affectations have anything to do with the self-recognition of my woman- hood, which is more a matter of how I feel rether than how I As Erin asked, "Can you be- come a woman without any of the external trappings?" My goal is to strive for a fully integrated personality that encompasses the best features of my feminine and masculine selves. In that regard I strive for "wholeness" as one person regardless of what I am wearing, recognizing that I am a woman as well as a man at the same time and can react honest- ly to my emotions.

I have found that many women (my wife included) have great difficulty accepting our motivations for crossdressing when so much emphasis seems to be placed on surface values and affectations. In that regard the "A" to "F" rating scale for wives may be counterproductive, mainly because it constrains com- munication. We transvestites must all reach inside and become ex- tremely sensitive to what women really are if we are to hope to achieve womanhood as well as understanding and acceptance from our mates. Although my wife prefers not to participate in my crossdressing at the current time, she is still an "A" wife because she encourages me to explore and fully develop the best facets of my personality. And I feel that this is the most important support that can be provided.

I am very interested in how other sisters feel about this and I'd welcome their comments. It is entirely possible that the "liberated" vs. "unliberated" at- titudes and versions of woman- hood are rooted in our "gen- erational age" just as we find it in society in general. I find it easy to support my wife's struggle for a self-fulfilling career as I would not want to be restricted to the 29-

"traditional" woman's role my- self. Freedom from arbitrary con- straints would benefit both men and women of all persuasions of personality.

All of this does not mean that dressing as "Jamie" is un- important, for it will always provide visual affirmation of my inner sense of feminity. I think it just means that Jamie and Jim are really the same gentle, caring, sensitive person who can cry at any b emotional scene in amovie regardless of whether or not he/she's wearing a dress. There will probably always be some element of role playing in my crossdressing. In Virginia Woolf's "Orlando", a fantasy about an Elizabethan gentleman who, in the 19th century, turns into a Vic- torian gentlewoman, the novel's androgynous protagonist says about clothes: "Vain trifles as they seem, clothes have, they say, more important offices than merely to keep us warm. They change our view of the world and the world's view of us...... Thus, there is much to support the view that it is the clothes that wear us and not we them; we may make them take the mold of our arm or breast; but they would mold our hearts, our brains, our tongues to their liking." How- ever, I feel that only by striving for full "personhood," rather than emphasizing two distinct person- alities and concentrating on affect- ations, will I achieve womanhood and find true inner peace.

कुकु